When I Am Dead, My Dearest

When I am dead, my dearest,
Sing no sad songs for me;
Plant thou no roses at my head,
Nor shady cypress tree:
Be the green grass above me
With showers and dewdrops wet;
And if thou wilt, remember,
And if thou wilt, forget.

I shall not see the shadows,
I shall not feel the rain;
I shall not hear the nightingale
Sing on, as if in pain:
And dreaming through the twilight
That doth not rise nor set,
Haply I may remember,
And haply may forget.

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Similar to her ‘Remember Me’, this poem asks the loved one (‘my dearest’) not to engage in conventional mourning rituals (‘sad songs’, ‘roses’, ‘cypress’). It expresses a detachment from the world and even from memory itself, suggesting the speaker will be beyond earthly concerns and leaving the act of remembering entirely up to the survivor’s will.

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Feel no guilt in laughter, they’d know how much you care.
Feel no sorrow in a smile that they’re not here to share.
You cannot grieve forever; they would not want you to.
They’d hope that you could carry on the way you always do.
So, talk about the good times and the way you showed you cared,
The days you spent together, all the happiness you shared.
Let memories surround you, a word someone may say
Will suddenly recapture a time, an hour, a day,
That brings them back as clearly as though they were still here,
And fills you with the feeling that they are always near.
For if you keep those moments, you will never be apart
And they will live forever locked safely within your heart.
An honest man here lies at rest,
The friend of man, the friend of truth;
The friend of age, and guide of youth:
Few hearts like his, with virtue warm’d,
Few heads with knowledge so inform’d:
If there’s another world, he lives in bliss;
If there is none, he made the best of this.
Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning’s hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die.
I built a tiny garden
In a corner of my heart
I kept it just for lovely things
And bade all else depart
And ever was there music
And flowers blossomed fair;
And never was it perfect
Until you entered there
Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message ‘He Is Dead’,
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

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As Christmas approaches, we would be honoured for you and your family to join us for our annual Carol & Remembrance Services.

Our services offer a warm, comforting space for us to come together, sing traditional Christmas carols, and pause to remember and celebrate the lives of those we hold dear.

THURSDAY 3RD DECEMBER 2026, 7.30PM
ST MICHAEL & ALL ANGELS LOCKSBOTTOM CHURCH, BR6 8NN

WEDNESDAY 9TH DECEMBER 2026, 7.30PM
CHRISTCHURCH PRIORY, ELTHAM SE9 1TX

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